Tales from the Break Room, ep 1

When I first came in this morning, I saw a donut box on the table of the break room. This isn't that strange of an occurrence--many times do employees leave boxes of such treats in the break room for their coworkers, leading to much office lovin' that'll be felt more frequently than other offices. Usually I don't indulge in such items, as I'm only a temp worker, and since I'll be gone in less than two weeks, I figure I should let the locals be chummy with the fellow locals. There was, however, something different about this box.

My curiosity got the better of me. I grabbed a water bottle from the drink fridges and used it to open the lid, making sure not to leave any compromising fingerprints in the sugary glaze that coated the symbolic pink box that usually always indicated "donuts." It was then that I saw it. It was an oasis of a morning treat surrounded by the sands of sugar. It stood tall, proud, above the lower products of the bakery. Once I saw it I knew it was meant to be: just me and my blueberry muffin.

My eyes darted around quickly. My back hunched over the box as if to hide it from view. It was mine. The coworker that had been standing in the break room earlier was gone. Time to make a move! In one quick sweep of the hand I grabbed two napkins and the muffin, and quickly snapped the lid of the box down. Moving just as quickly I maneuvered into my cubicle and oh so tenderly placed my treasure down upon my desk.

I froze. I was missing something. My eyes scanned my desk until they came to a stop on an empty ceramic mug sitting comfortably on a stack of post-its that serve as its make-shift mat. I was missing coffee! I glanced towards my office door. No! It was too late! If I leave now, I risk someone else coming and stealing my precious. I would have to make due with the water I picked up earlier.

I broke off the first piece and put it in my mouth...

... and promptly spat it out. It was the worst goddamn muffin I had ever tasted. In my rage I threw it into the trash and went into the kitchen to grab some fruit. It comes in on the Monday of each week. At least they hadn’t eaten all the goddamn grapes.